Fear and Attachment

Fear and attachment are two things that I have been working on personally in my attempts to grow as a person. Each person has their own set of fears and attachments (attachments to physical things, behaviors, people, habits, etc). One of the first steps in personal growth is the acknowledgment of your fears and fostering a deep awareness of the roots of those fears. I have lived most of my life with my fears existing within my life, unacknowledged. Only recently have I really begun to explore the roots of my fears and I hope you will one day as well (if you haven't already started). These fears stem from attachments we develop to certain things. Maybe you're afraid of feeling incompetent or seeming foolish. I know I have a fear of seeming foolish and what people will think of this note. Maybe you're afraid of the pain of loss. A fear of loss or betrayal can easily have grown from previous experiences we have had.

One of my fears, stemming back to my childhood, is the loss of someone close to me. Because of this fear, I’ve created several defense mechanisms to protect myself. Most likely, many of you have done similar things, but in different manners. In order to protect myself from this fear, I separate myself from others and keep them at a distance. If you don't let others get close to you emotionally, you can't be hurt by them leaving your life. By building these castle walls, I effectively guarded myself against emotional damage. But in the process, I’ve stopped myself from developing deep and close relationships with others. In my mind, it seems as if the pain of not feeling close to anyone is greatly outweighed by the pain of loss or rejection. The behaviors and habits that my fears have guided me along, while having protected me from some modicum of pain, have repressed to potential joy that can exist in my life. I’m sure on some level in some way, you have also experienced this.

As I continue to practice these defense mechanisms, my fears and habits become more ingrained in my daily behavior. The harder it becomes to break this set of behaviors I have become habituated to. The more one allows their fears to dictate their actions, the more they surrender control of their life to their fear. By surrendering to the desires of my fear, I no longer control my life and become a slave to my fears. I literally live life as an Automaton, living life of comfortable behaviors, afraid to take risks and live within my fears. This is why you are only truly living your life when you discover the roots of your fears and take steps to address them.

I am not saying all this thinking I am better than thou, because I am not. I say all this from personal experience. I know what it is like to deal with fear, because I have acknowledged my fears and deal with the pain fear causes in my life every day. I know the pain I suffer when I look fear in the eye and surrender to that fear. But, when one finally overcomes their fears and their attachment to trivial things, one can truly live their life; and I mean THEIR life. Not the life that their fears dictate, not the life that their past dictates, not the life that society dictates, but the life that THEY dictate. I am still struggling to awaken to, understand, and overcome the fears and attachments that exist within my life, but I write this hoping that this may, in some small way, help us both in overcoming our fears. It is not easy, but with dedication, it is possible.